"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life."
Thanksgiving is the celebration of being thankful for the bounty we have received, and for the blessings of the past year.
This past year has been transformational, to say the least. I am thankful for the support I have received in opening my shoppe Happy Place, and for beginning Railside Retreats. I am thankful for all of the wonderful people I have met along this journey.
I started envisioning this path for myself over a decade ago, and have worked tirelessly through various programs and retreats to be able to better help myself, and to assist in helping others. This has allowed me to create a safer and happier lifestyle. I am beyond thrilled that I am able to now share my journey with you, every day, through Happy Place.
Take this long weekend to reflect on what you are thankful for, and enjoy the time you have with your family and friends.
I started this write up for October’s Newsletter last week, all the while struggling with my topic. Finally, I reached for my most favourite Oracle Deck and asked for guidance. As always, the card was bang on, and I just sat and chuckled.
Oracle of the Unicorns came into my shoppe a couple of weeks ago, and I cannot express enough how the cards have spoken to me every single time. Well Friday was no different, as I pulled the ‘Flow’ card. I read the message of this card and knew that the struggle I was experiencing on which topic to write about was actually intertwined with all of my choices. This card showed up to remind me to relax, float, surf and play in the waves. To remind me to dance with the ebb and the flow of life. This card gave me all of my answers, even with the broken heart that was beating in my chest.
The beauty of a broken heart is that it is a dance that goes with the ebb and flow of life. Before I tell the story I originally wanted to write about, I will first share how my day started as I sat journaling in the shoppe.
This past Friday was my daughters birthday, and I spent it reflecting on our first introduction to each other. I was journaling that day, retracing the memories of being in labour and giving birth to this most precious gift that changed my life forever. A Mother’s love is like no other, and yet when my daughter was born, I experienced something I did not expect. I was in labour with my daughter for almost 30 hours, and I was exhausted by the time the doctors told me there was a problem. A new doctor was called in, and my life was spinning around while I watched all of the faces in the brightest room ever. In the room with me were the doctors, the nurses, as well as my husband, and all I could see were blank faces of complete strangers. I remember looking at my husband when our baby came into this world, and was immediately rushed over to the other side of the room. At first, I thought I saw the disappointment of her father regretting our baby was a girl, and not the boy he was hoping for. When in truth, our daughter was filled with my blood, and they had to save her life.
As I was journaling Friday, I realized the time was just shortly after 10am, and it suddenly hit me what I was doing 28 years ago at that very moment. My daughter was born at 1:30am and yet it took me almost 9 hours to actually ask to hold her for the first time. It was not because she was in the ICU, or I was not available due to my condition, but it was because I did not want to hold her. The shame that ran through me at that time, and for some time after, was so immeasurable. All I knew is that she was out of the woods, and then it was all about me for just a small number of hours. The reality was that it was probably eternity for this beautiful little baby girl, as she was missing her mother’s heartbeat; who loved and kept her safe for over 9 months in her tiny little cocoon. I refused to hold my baby girl, waving her away after being born and only asking for a cheese sandwich instead. I am not a fan of plain bread with a slice of processed cheese and butter, but it was the most delectable sandwich ever. That is when it hit me and it was official; I was the most horrible new mother in the world, and I did not deserve to be a Mom.
As I was sitting in the shoppe writing in my journal the why of this story, the most beautiful song came on and I began to cry. The song was definitely Heaven sent, and it was to let me know there was no shame in needing to rest before giving her all of my heart for life. The song is called “How Could Anyone,” and here in my newsletter I will share, so you too can release any shame or fears you may have when it comes to your own children. In turn, I also invite you to release any shame or fears around how you felt as someone’s child, because in truth, we are all Heaven sent and we must always remember this.
Now my second child, my baby boy, delivered a whole different story of shame and heartache for me. I always knew I wanted more than one child, and this second pregnancy was most definitely planned as I was on a mission to give my husband a son. You see, we had two other children before ours (half sisters to our new children), as he had two beautiful little girls before we started our own family. Before I go further, half sisters are not permitted to be spoken of in our home, as they were 100% full sisters. If you ever mentioned half sisters the roof came down from every single one of our kids. Now back to the boy, the son, the grandson, the only brother and one who carried a lot of weight on his shoulders before he was even born. You can only imagine being the last male in a family where the family name would end without a son being brought into this world to carry it on. Now that I think of it, you will now understand why I thought the night our daughter was born I saw a look of disappointment written all over her father’s face.
The shame that I carried through my pregnancy, and what I attached to my son, was that I was a horrible mother yet again. What business did I have bringing another baby into this world, when I had no love to spare for him. I spent the last month of my pregnancy beating myself up and listening to the subliminal belief that I was a horrible Mom. I could never love another child the way I love my daughter. This little boy had no chance of being loved by his mother.
My son’s delivery was so different from his sister’s, and he basically just fell into this world. I will never forget hearing the nurses telling me to hold him in, when usually all you hear is them telling you to push. I finally remember our doctor coming in, and me telling her she was grounded for life. Then it happened, he was in my arms. The only thing that came out of my mouth this time was not the desire for a cheese sandwich at all. What came out of my mouth this time was “Oh my God, I can have ten more children as I love him so much”. I was so blissfully amazed; the love that grew in my heart at that very moment he was delivered. I remember giggling, thinking of the Grinch and how his heart grew three sizes that day, but for me it was so much bigger.
Now to share the reasons of my broken heart this past week, and why I have been struggling with what to write up until today. Two weeks ago, I knew for sure I wanted to write about my kids, and then it spun into my own sibling pain. What I have learned is that if you do not sit and write at the very start of the idea, you lose it. Yet, the theme has been arriving as waves since the first thought and the first idea. I have been surfing the wave of the same idea, but in different views of that wave. The flow card whispered to me to let go of the one idea, and let it all come in the way it was supposed to.
So here is my vulnerable truth, as well the hard truth of how I tick as well as how my heart beats. I was battling with the heartbreak of my children fighting without talking for the last couple of months. One child grieving, and the other one appearing not to care. The stubbornness of my two children was ripping my little family apart. It is one thing to watch your children grow up and fight through the single digits. and then the teenage years. For me. my children fighting as adults brings me to a whole new wound, and one I do not wish for them; nor do I want to watch them live through another generational pain with such very deep scars. I would give anything in the world to break this chain and change this pattern.
As the idea for my writings of my kids came out, my family was hit with the death of our Aunt Joan. My Aunt Joan was such a special lady, and one that taught us all grace. She was the oldest sister to my Dad, and she has watched her family, our family, through so many battles, turmoils and heartbreaks. This was a lady who was a Catholic Nun in her twenties, and chose to step out of her religious vocation and moved in with my grandparents. Aunt Joan was all family and grace. Through the years, we buried her baby brother (my Dad), her baby sister, my grandparents, and a nephew. Through all these years, I watched the family feuds, and heard the statements of “I am never going to talk to them again, let alone be in the same room.” To this day, most of us are all estranged and it breaks my heart. This also broke my Aunt Joan’s heart, and she spoke of it enough times that eventually she gave up, and just loved us all individually. Aunt Joan was filled with unconditional love; at least in my eyes. It struck me at her funeral, that she got the last laugh with all of us. Her funeral fell on the same day that my parents got married, 61 years before. A family that was so close in 1958 was now being held in a container by Aunt Joan, and dragged together 61 years later. To be able to see some of us, not all of us together once again, showed me the theme of unconditional love did not exist in our family. We are all fluff, and I yearn for a day when we all see each other again like the very first time, or remember what it was like when we were small children and would go to the ends of the earth to protect each other. When I think of it with my siblings, it was when we were still in our thirties and forties that we began to tear each other down. One of my brothers would call me a Pollyanna because I lived in a world believing we could all come together through love, and in fact he has called me that many times. I never stop asking for the love we have in our hearts to finally remove the masks we wear in our life. We truly do live a life wearing the masks that hide our true self, our vulnerable self, that little girl or boy who was never loved the way we wanted to be loved, as well as deserved to be loved.
This is my wound I carry every single day, and one I know I finally have to let go of. This cannot be my story any longer, and I definitely don’t want it to be my children’s story. Seeing my eldest sister at my Aunt’s funeral reminded me of how much she has turned into a complete stranger. What once represented a huge piece of my heart as one of my most cherished persons now represented a hole that grew larger than life itself. This sister held me while being in labour with my daughter, and now we don’t even know how to hold a heartfelt conversation. I have spent the last 8 years aching for the repair of a family that no longer exists. A family that once was 5 children strong is now divided with all of our children fighting to not fall into this same heartbreaking pattern. Some will survive this pattern, and some may be fortunate to break it. I wish for my children the gift of changing the story, and breaking the pattern. I wish for my children to learn the meaning of unconditional love; to live with it every single day, and not just through their own children when they are born.
As Thanksgiving is upon us, I know I will not be a part of my family again this year, or around a familiar Thanksgiving table. I have learned to be okay with this, and give thanks for many other reasons.
Sadly in the branch of my own family, what once was a family of three sisters and one brother is now just another broken branch. It is now the same old story, and the same old theme that runs throughout both their father’s and my own family line. Our kids don’t really come together when it matters, or even when it doesn’t matter.
Why is it that when one of us speaks up about the hurt and the feelings we carry within the family, the others all think we must have had a bad day or something sad has happened to us?
What is all this judging that goes on, and why is there no unconditional love?
This past weekend my shoppe was lit up with so many wonderful energies and beautiful faces. I felt love all around me, and even had the gifts of some pretty special people from my inner life and family. Saturday, as I sat chatting with a few people, I looked up to see the most beautiful face in the world to me–well, other than my own children–walk through the front door. In walks my eldest brother, and I was so filled with immeasurable love and happiness. My brother just happened to be driving through Brighton from Ottawa, and had an urge to drive off the 401 to come and hug his little sister. This surprise was from a higher power, that I am sure of. This visit was to remind me I truly do have family that loves me.
Here I am writing about the messed up conditional love surrounding me in my family, and the one guy in my family of 5 siblings is the guy that is all about UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. He has been a rock for me my entire life, and after all of our years together, I cannot remember a fight between us. I know, without a doubt, he will always have my heart tucked safely inside his. This past weekend he showed up when I was so sensitive and so needing his arms around me. I got twelve hugs from him that day, and I have no idea how I counted them. I am almost sure I heard “I love you” from him that day at least four times. When I told him why I was struggling, and the anxiety around what some of our siblings would feel if reading this, he said, “Just Do It,” good old Mr. Nike. My big brother, I sure do love you!
I mentioned that there were some special people form my inner life and family, my brother was only one of them that day. In the afternoon, as I was still enjoying the beautiful people in my shoppe, I once again looked at the door to see two very special ladies, who meant the world to me when I was a little girl, walk in. My first best friend in grade 2 brought me into her family when I needed this family more than they probably knew. I was received to join their family of 5 daughters, and I pushed my way in to be a 6th. This was the family when my Dad passed when I was a young girl, who found me collapsed in their front door at 6:30am. To see their faces walk into the shoppe this past Saturday with the look of pure excitement, love, and pure joy, was definitely not what I expected to feel while I was trying to find the words for this newsletter. Seeing two soul sisters of mine, that looked at me like I was the most important person in the world, gave me the perfect ending to my story here.
This weekend is Thanksgiving, and regardless of my own family not wanting to keep us together, I do have family that is out there and I have been blessed today to be reminded of this. The last quarter of each year is the hardest for me. as they bring in the anniversaries of both my parents passing, my children’s birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. This is the time where my Pollyanna with the rose coloured glasses goes looking for her rainbow. This is where Dorothy realizes there is no place like home, and this is where I pray for unconditional love to find its way into everyone’s heart and home.
We all have flaws, we all have scars, we all have skeletons, and we all have made mistakes. Do we not all have toxicity, drama, unwanted challenges that come into our families and our friendships; our lives? Can we not learn to build boundaries, but sometimes let down the walls so that we remember what it is like to truly love and be loved? Shame is one of the deadliest wounds to live with, but so is being unlovable and unworthy. To me, being unlovable and unworthy feels far more painful. Dare I admit that when it comes to family, there are some of us left feeling unlovable. Is that what we want our legacy to be? Is that what we want to teach our children, family or friends?
Today, I vow to always be a Pollyanna with rose coloured glasses on, because we all are lovable, and we all are worthy!
A NIGHT OF PRACTICAL MAGIC
Let’s create our own Besom Broom to kick off our night of Practical Magic!
Date: Friday, October 18th, 2019 Time: 6:00 PM until Midnight or beyond.
Price: $70.00 + HST Per Person
PLEASE NOTE: October 15th is the deadline for sign up and payment to ensure sufficient supplies will be available.
Included in the price is dinner at 6:00PM, followed by Besom Broomstick Making, a viewing of the film Practical Magic, AND “Put the Lime in the Coconut and drink it all up...” Margarita Fun “Virgin style or Non Virgin.”
All materials will be supplied: reeds, twigs, handles, jute, charms, embellishments. If you have your own branch you wish to use as a handle bring it along.
Your own scissors, pruning clippers and a few other simple items may be required.
Come play and have a blast with lots of laughter!!
After five months, Pluto is no longer in retrograde. During this time, you may have noticed you were beginning to thoroughly examine the power structures in your life. You may have come to the realization that you have been hung up on something for too long, or that you have been manipulated. Now that the planet has turned direct, it is time to find out what you can and cannot control. Take some time for self reflection. Work on those traits that you dislike in yourself, and improve them. This is your time to grow and transform.
A crystal ball, often referred to in the occult community as “orbuculum”, is a tool used by diviners in the practice of clairvoyance and scrying. The first recorded use of a crystal ball for divination was in the 1st century AD by Pliny the Elder. Throughout history many famous occultists and soothsayers have practiced the art of divination using crystal balls, including Dr. John Dee, noted mathematician and practitioner of Hermetic Philosophy.
The practice of crystal gazing was popularized in the victorian era.
Our beautiful and unique Alchemy England jewellery collection is designed and made in England.
Alchemy itself was the medieval forerunner of chemistry, based on the supposed transformation of matter. It was concerned particularly with attempts to convert base metals into gold or to find a universal elixir.
NEW TAROT & ORACLE DECKS
We have many new Tarot and Oracle decks available to purchase at the shoppe. Check out two of our beautiful Oracle decks below!
ORACLE OF THE UNICORNS
The most enchanting of mystical creatures, unicorns are a symbol of miracles, purity and magic. Like mermaids, faeries and dragons, unicorns, too, have a distinct and powerful spiritual energy. Delve into their wondrous realm through the Oracle of the Unicorns to reawaken your intuitive abilities, your innate wisdom, your unique gifts, your extraordinary courage, and your divine potential.
The unicorn guides in this deck are here to help you discover the magic that lies within you. They wish for you to become a more conscious creator of your reality, harnessing the infinite power of the universe to conjure miracles and move mountains.
Experience greater joy, love, peace and prosperity by welcoming unicorn energy into your world.
WORK YOUR LIGHT ORACLE CARDS
Are you ready to Work Your Light? This beautiful 44-card oracle deck has been created to help you light up the world with your presence. By working with its five suits and connecting with your intuition, you will be able to start living a life in alignment with who you truly are.– Confirmation cards give a quick hit of instant guidance.– Inquiry cards help you tune in to the whispers of your soul.– Action cards guide you on what action to take.– Activation cards invoke healing within you.– Transmission cards connect you with supportive energies.The accompanying guidebook explains how to use the Work Your Light Oracle to deepen your relationship with your soul and the Source of all things. It contains in-depth meanings for each of the 44 cards, and reveals how to attune your cards, activate soul space before starting work, create different card spreads, and give readings for other people. When you work with the cards, you will find that your intuition increases, your soul’s voice gets louder, and you are able to deeply embrace who you are and the work you came here to do.
What began as a Victorian parlour game in 1800's, developed into something that became associated with Spiritualism in the beginning of the 20th century to communicate with those beyond our realm of existence. They are used for communicating with spiritual forces, such as ancestors, spirit guides, dreams, or inner wisdom.
ANNE STOKES PRAYER FOR THE FALLEN
This beautiful black and white ouija board features original art by Anne Stokes. It comes with a planchette and instructions. Users place their fingers on the planchette, and it is moved about the board to spell out words.
THE ENCHANTED SPELLBOARD
The Enchanted Spellboard helps us connect, and receive those perceptive messages from the world beyond. Beautiful and easy to use, the kit contains an 18" x 18" folding board in full colour, an engraved Magical Message Indicator®, and a 30-page instruction book.
Our beautiful Indigenous drums are used for Shamanic drumming, meditation and chanting. The drums are believed to carry their own spirit, and the heartbeat of Mother Earth.
We now carry beautiful greeting cards for every occasion! Stop by the shoppe to have a browse.
PALM READINGS & MESSAGES FROM SPIRIT
Psychic Intuitive Donna Browning-Perkins (Jaguar Woman) will be offering Palm Readings & Messages from Spirit on Saturday, October 26th, Saturday, November 9th and Saturday, December 7th from 10:00 AM until 5:00 PM.
Working with the support of her Spirit Guides, and her Totem Animal Jaguar, Donna is very grateful and honoured to spend time with the many wonderful people she meets, sharing Love, Light & Peace! Please book your reservation early, contact Patrice; 613-475-0021, email: firstname.lastname@example.org
YOGA NIDRA (MEDITATION)
Yoga Nidra is literally "sleep yoga" in Hindi. It's a mental exercise that takes place in the mysterious borderland stage between wakefulness and sleep. By maintaining awareness as you relax and your body starts to fall asleep, you can enter a profound state of consciousness - with potentially profound psychological, spiritual and physical benefits.
Yoga Nidra can illicit profound positive results in healing and quality of life. Great for resilience to deal with every day-to-day life as well as increase your energy.
This meditation helps you restore balance no matter what life throws at you.
Upcoming Dates: Sunday, November 3rd and Sunday, December 8th Time: 1:00PM to 2:30PM
Price: $14.00 + HST Per Person
Spaces fill up quickly, so be sure to grab your spot early!
Hallowe'en, as a tradition, originated from ancient Celtic harvest festivals, most specifically the festival known as Samhain, a festival that predates christianity known to have been rooted in Paganism. Also referred to as Hallows Eve, this night is believed to hold mystical properties, thinning the veil between our world and the next. On this night, in many cultures, we celebrate the dead, wearing costumes and masks to confuse and drive away evil spirits.
Please remember to play safe!
From my family to yours, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.